Missing him...

I don't know that anyone reads this, but I just have to write. Writing brings me comfort. Its been how I've been able to just have some sort of outlet since I was young. So please don't think that I'm on the edge and need saving. I just need to get it all out......Let it all out, so that tomorrow can be a little brighter. Here goes....

Feeling sad tonight. Lonely. Alone. The one bright spot in my day is my little man. He's such a trooper and always has a smile for his mommy. I rode him around on my leg tonight for 40 minutes straight just so I could hear him laugh while I felt like crying. I had to switch up legs a few times, but I feel like I burned some calories nonetheless :)

We've been without Ben for longer.....he's only been gone a week. But this time the seperation is so prolonged, it feels interminable. Its only been a week.....and we have so many more to weather. The days ahead seem so overwhelming from this side of the mountain.

We miss him.

Tomorrow is Ben's birthday. Where he is, I doubt he'll even notice that it has gone by. Its not the first birthday we've missed together, but I didn't make him his special "birthday dessert" this year. I've made it for him every year since we've been married. Blondie brownie with white chocolate chunks and warm maple butter sauce. Its his favorite. I wish I were making it for him now. We'd be snuggling together and watching Harry Potter... or Oceans Eleven...

I miss him.

Not that he'd complain....he's excited and proud to be doing what he signed up for. He's helping keep others safe. He's serving his country. I AM proud of him. He is so brave and dedicated to doing his job and doing it well. Better than well... he does his best, and strives to push and pull others along with him. He is a great leader.

I miss him.

Each time I talk to someone on the phone, little man is excited thinking that its daddy. He walks into the house looking for him. He asks me, "eeee daddy?" everynight. We watch "the daddy show" each night before bed so Little man can see him. He blows him kisses, and kisses the computer screen. He pushes the button on "daddy bear" a few times before going down for his nap and before going down for bed....kissing the bears nose each time.

We miss him. We love him. Be safe.

Okay. I'm done. Just had to get that out.....out of my system. Continuing on....making plans for next week. Gym on Monday or Tuesday (or BOTH!).....Appointment on Wednesday.....Chinese New Year Thursday......Orlando Friday......Medieval Faire Saturday...... we're going to be Ok.